


Things We Were Not Meant to Hear

by Samzi1123



Series: Barisi headache fics [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barba Whump, Friends to Lovers, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Sickfic, Vomiting (mentioned), protective Sonny, slightly OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 09:56:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11666790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samzi1123/pseuds/Samzi1123
Summary: (Occurs during the events of season 17 episodes 1 and 2 the Carl Rudnick trial.) Olivia sends Carisi, who has a massive crush on Barba, over to see if he can help Barba prep for the Carl Rudnick trial. By the time he gets there Calhoun is already in Barba’s office trying to hack out a deal. Carisi steps in just in time to hear her make the comment about Barba’s migraines. Carisi senses that there is more to the story so he asks Barba about it. At first Barba deflects the question but Carisi presses him a little and he tells Carisi about what he considers to be his most embarrassing professional moment.





	Things We Were Not Meant to Hear

The Rudnick trial had yet to start but the entire SVU Unit was running on fumes. Ordinarily Sonny liked being busy but the last week had been and out of control whirlwind of emotions. He was secretly glad when Olivia sent him over to help Barba with the mess that was the impending trial. When she had first called him into her office Sonny thought, for a moment, that he had done something wrong, but when she flopped down into her chair and covered her face with her hands he knew that it most likely had to do with the case. 

______________________________________________________________________

“So I just got a call from Barba… another one actually.” She paused and scrubbed her fingers through her hair pulling on it none too gently before continuing. “Its the 5th time he's called me today, honestly this is the most anxious I’ve ever seen him.” 

Worry knotted in Sonny’s stomach at the mention of Barba being upset. The ADA had a larger than life personality, which was only only aided by his sharp tongue and impeccable wardrobe, it was hard to think of the man as anything but over confident. Though, Sonny reasoned with himself, everyone had their own insecurities. Some were just better at hiding them than others. Belatedly he realized that while he was lost in Barba-centric thoughts Olivia had continued to talk, and he had to force the thought of and anxious Barba out of his mind. 

“… and it sounds like Calhoun is stopping by his office within the hour to talk deals. Since it’s such a high profile case Barba is getting pressure from higher up to plead it out.” Olivia continued, seeming totally unaware that her detective had only heard half of what she had just said.

“Is he going to do it or…?” Sonny wanted to add more but he bit his tongue. He wanted to add that Barba wasn't the type of person to be bullied into changing his mind about a case, but politics was a funny thing and it made people consider choices they normally wouldn't have. 

Olivia seemed to legitimately consider the chances of Barba pleading Rudnick out, then shook her head. “I don't think so, I guess it’s just going to depend on what Calhoun offers. That’s why I called you in here Carisi. Would you mind going over to Barba’s office and seeing what you can do to help him out? Maybe having another lawyer look over everything will help him relax.”  
\  
Sonny grinned widely at being referred to as a lawyer. After all of the teasing about night school it was nice to feel appreciated. 

“Did he actually ask for my to help or—” 

Olivia cut him off with a snort. “Rafael Barba, asking for help? If that every happens I will have officially seen everything.” She paused again, fiddling with a photo of Noah on her desk. “But if there’s one thing I do know about him it’s that he would rather lose a case by himself than win after asking for help.” She shook her head and a look that Sonny could only describe as fond washed over her face. “He’s my friend Carisi, and I don't want to see him hung out to dry.” 

“You and me both Sarge” 

 

That got Olivia’s attention, her eyes snapped up to meet Sonny’s and he felt his face burn hot with embarrassment. 

Had he slipped up? Had something in his face or tone of voice clued Olivia in to the fact that her newest detective was not only gay, but had a raging school-girl crush on their ADA? But then again, Sonny tried to reason with himself, was it really so weird that he cared about the grumpy ADA? Surely the other detectives would feel the same way. 

“That surprises me Carisi. Honestly, I was worried that you hated him.” 

A brief sense of relief swept over him, but then Sonny began to panic in earnest. Olivia was perceptive, and if his answer wasn't exactly what she was expecting she would know that something was up. Logically he knew that she had no clue about his feelings for Barba. He was careful, especially around her, to control his facial expressions every time Barba came up in conversation, or if the man himself physically showed up in the precinct. In fact, the only person he talked about his crush with was his sister Bella, and he knew for sure that she would take his secret with her to the grave. Unsure exactly how to respond without making Olivia suspicious, Sonny decided to aim for casual indifference. 

“Na, I don't hate him. I mean he wouldn't be the first person I would call if I wanted to go out for drinks or anything like that.” 

He was in fact, the first person Sonny would call, but not a friends. More as a ‘I want to hear the sounds you make when I pin you up against the wall and finger you till’ you're crying and coming on my face’. Shaking his head in a vain attempt to clear his rapidly deteriorating thoughts Sonny continued. 

“But he's a great lawyer, I learned a lot while shadowing him. He doesn't deserve to get this whole mess dumped on his head.” Olivia was staring at him now, obviously having picked up on Sonny’s extended pause. Sonny shrugged and stood up, moving towards the door. Hopefully Olivia would let him leave before he embarrassed himself further. “Its on you though if he bites my head off when I ask if he needs help.” 

Olivia sighed “Maybe don't specifically use the word help?” 

Sonny didn't even bother to fight back the sharp laugh that bubbled up. “Yeah, no kidding. I don't have a death wish Sarge.” 

“One fire at a time Carisi. Once this bastard is in jail Barba can complain about me sending you all he wants.” 

______________________________________________________________________

Sonny wasn't a slow driver by any means, but by the time he walked into Barba’s office 20 minutes later, the door was closed and he could hear faintly raised voices coming from inside. Sonny noticed with amusement that Barba’s secretary, Carmen, was hovering by the closed door obviously trying to listen to the conversation within. 

“How’s it going in there?” Sonny spoke quietly in an attempt not to scare her but it didn't matter. Carmen jumped like she had been poked with a cattle prod and barely managed to stifle her yelp of surprise with her hand. 

“You just about scared me to death detective!” She admonished, clutching dramatically at her heart, but her words had no heat to them. 

Sonny blushed despite himself. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Seriously though, hows it going? The Sarge said Barba was a little tense?” 

“Tense is certainly one way to describe it. I prefer insufferable though.” 

“Isn’t he always insufferable?” 

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “More so than normal these last few days. This case… if Rudnick is convicted–” 

“If he's convicted every case that Rudnick has ever testified in, every autopsy he’s performed, its all going to have to be reinvestigated and possibly re-tried.” Sonny shook his head. “I guess I’d be unhappy too.” Unhappy might just be the understatement of the year. If Sonny was in Barba’s shoes right now he would probably cry, or vomit, possibly both. 

“You still want to be a lawyer after seeing all this?” Carmen asked, reading Sonny’s face like a book. “He told me that you passed the bar exam. Congratulations by the way!” 

Sonny’s heart jolted in his chest. Barba talked about him? “He told you? what did he say about—You know what, don't tell me. I don't want to know.” The words began spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Carmen giggled knowingly and Sonny felt his face grow so red that he wondered if he had any blood left anywhere else in his body. Maybe if he kept talking they could just forget the whole thing altogether. 

“I’m not sure if I still want to be a lawyer, definitely not right now anyway. Maybe later on, but not now.” Not his smoothest transition but it would have to do. Sonny thanked God that Olivia wasn't there to witness the scene. She would have known for sure that something was up. “Anyway, Liv sent me over to see if I could help out. Do you think I should just go in or wait for Calhoun to come out?”

That was the million dollar question, and Carmen seemed to be mulling the idea over but before she could respond she was cut off by Rita Calhoun’s raised voice filtering in from the other room. 

“You’ve got a M.E. accused of being a serial killer! The last thing your bosses want is a long drawn out trial!” 

Carmen grimaced “Just go in, from the sound of it things can’t get any more tense.” She punctuated her words by giving Carisi a little shove in the direction of the door. “Good luck detective.” 

Sonny rolled his eyes but silently let himself into the office. Barba was standing behind his desk, his face was carefully blank but his green eyes were intently focused on Calhoun as she reached into her bag and pulled out a stack of papers. 

“And these headlines,” She tossed the papers onto Barba’s desk. “How are your migraines?” 

If Sonny hadn't been trained in reading peoples faces, or maybe, if he didn't have such an infatuation with other man, he probably would have missed the way Barba’s face tightened at the question. Never the less Barba didn't let anything slip. He glanced down at the papers, moving the top one away to see the one underneath. 

Sonny didn’t have a great view from his position right inside the door but it was obvious that Barba was looking at the front page of the newspapers that currently were plastering the streets. Headlines like ‘Who Hired This Hack?’ and ‘Mayor: Heads will Roll’ had jumped out at Sonny every time he had left the precinct for the last day and a half. The look on Barba’s face confirmed his suspicions. The ADA pursed his lips and glanced back up at Calhoun. 

“Your solution is?” This was punctuated with an eyebrow raise.

“Dr. Rudnick pleads to one count of tampering with evidence and one count of unlawful disposal of a body. This goes away as quietly as possible.” 

Barba made a face. “Misdemeanors?” 

Sonny watched Calhoun’s head dip down then back up in some exaggerated type of nod. Sonny thought it made her look like a slow motion bobble head. There was no way Barba was going to take that offer. Sure, he might plead Rudnick out if he had to, to save face for the city, but he wouldn't do so for anything less than hard jail time. 

“He killed three women.” Barba continued, his voice taking on the tone one would use when talking to a smart clild who was acting especially stupid. He fell quiet for a bit then added, “I can offer manslaughter, 20 years on each, served concurrently.” 

“A public defender can get as much.” Calhoun countered “He is paying for more than that.” 

Barba’s face clouded over and his voice dropped so low that Sonny had to strain to hear him in the silent office. “I hope there’s enough money in the world, Rita, I really do.”  
Calhoun backed away from the desk, clearly angry over the dig on her morals. “You better hope you don't get a conviction, because if you do, every case Dr. Rudnick touched will be subject to an appeal, starting with Greg Yates.” She turned to leave, then stopped, fishing in her bag for a moment before pulling out a small container and tossing it onto Barba’s desk. “You’ll need these more than I will, we don't want a repeat of what happened during the Dubanouski trial.” 

She turned again, fully intending on storming out this time, and almost smashed into Sonny who was still standing statue still just inside the doorway. Her eyes widened in surprise, clearly unaware that he had even entered the room. Sonny glanced over at Barba, but the ADA was still staring down at the container on his desk. 

“Detective.” Calhoun said curtly, sidestepping Sonny and breezing past him out the open door. Sonny turned enough to watch her cross the room and pull the outside door closed behind her with a bit more face than was strictly necessary. 

‘Someone’s a sore loser’ Sonny thought to himself as he turned back towards Barba, pulling the door to the office closed behind him. When he looked up Barba was staring at him, confused, he too had obviously not noticed Sonny come in. Sonny waited for the other man to say something, but it soon became clear that he wasn't going to. 

“Well she’s a piece of work.” He muttered, hoping to get a laugh out of the ADA. It didn’t work. 

“How long have you been standing there?” Not quite the question Sonny was expecting but he would take what he could get. 

Sonny shrugged and dropped down into the chair that Calhoun had just been leaning against. “Not too long counselor. Just long enough to hear that she thinks she can get Rudnick off on a misdemeanor. Which, no offense to her or anything, is crap. No lawyer in their right mind would agree to that deal.” Sonny braced himself for a scathing comment about his night school education but none came. 

“You would be surprised what some people will accept.” Barba muttered quietly, turning the plastic bottle Calhoun had thrown at him over and over in his fingers. 

Now that he was closer Sonny could see that it was a medicine bottle. The label read ‘Migraine Relief Fast’ and the pills rattled loudly as Barba fussed with the bottle. Sonny’s curiosity was piqued. His mind flashed back to Calhoun’s comment just as he was coming into the room. ‘How are your migraines’ she had asked. It was a question that would would have meant nothing if it were coming from a friend, but Barba had never mentioned being particularly close to any of the other attorneys the squad had encountered, least of all Calhoun. He seemed to respect he legal were with all but that was about it. 

“I didn’t know you got migraines counselor.” 

Barba rolled his eyes, and Sonny could practically see the sarcastic comment loading. 

“I’m surprised Fordham doesn't offer a course in headache management.” He set the pill bottle down roughly on the desk and stared at Sonny with a mixture of annoyance and hesitation. “Your loss.” He huffed, clearly irritated now. “What are you doing here anyway? Angling to shadow again?” 

Sonny shook his head, letting Barba’s harsh words roll off his back. “I wouldn't turn you down if you offered counselor, but that’s not why I’m here.”

“Oh? So why then? what reason could you possibly have for just dropping in at a time like this?”

“I thought you might like some help going over all of the files for the Rudnick case.” Sonny didn't think it was possible, but Barba’s face grew even more annoyed, but then, slowly, the look of annoyance drained away. 

“There are a lot of files to go over. As much as I hate to admit it, out of the whole team you are the most qualified to help. The others would just end up getting in the way.” 

Sonny beamed at the backhanded complement. He was well aware of the fact that such a small acceptance from the older man should not make him as happy as it did, but as far as compliments from Barba went, that was a pretty good one. 

“Where do you want me to start?”

Three hours and a couch covered in files later, the novelty of that compliment had worn off. In all honesty it had worn off an hour in, leaving Sonny tired, hungry, and pretty sure that if he had to look at one more file he would go permanently crosseyed. Barba had already gone through the files himself and had left little sticky notes in them identifying important, and possibly important details. Some were legal arguments and others were snippy things the ADA thought he might want to say during the trial. Reading the files was like getting an unobstructed view into the other man’s mind, which was equal parts interesting and terrifying. There were a lot of things Sonny admired about Barba but his handwriting was not one of them. Sonny read on in the file until he reached a sticky note that literally looked like a line of nonsensical scribble before he closed it and tossed it onto the coffee table in front of him. 

Sonny leaned back and made a show of groaning and banging his head off of the top cushion on the couch. “You know you have horrible handwriting right?” he asked, not bothering to look over at Barba. “I thought you went to catholic school counselor. Didn’t the nuns beat you for this crap?” 

Barba laughed. Not a short sarcastic laugh either a real, albeit tired, laugh. Sonny turned his head and opened his eyes to find the other man watching him cautiously. Ignoring the fluttering feeling the ADA’s gaze left in his stomach Sonny met his eyes, and was surprised when Barba didn’t immediately look away. 

“Can I ask you a personal question detective?” 

Sonny smiled “Only if you call me Sonny. We've been working together for over a year now, everyone else even calls me Sonny at this point.” Sonny could have sworn that Barba’s lips twitched in the beginnings of a smile at that. 

“Ok, Sonny. After seeing all of this, the behind the scenes paperwork and crap that comes with being a lawyer, do you still want to do it?” 

“Less and less every day.” Sunny joked, flashing Barba a smile so he would know that he was kidding. He thought for a minute “Honestly, yeah I still want to do it. Sure there’s a lot of stuff that goes on that I'm not really looking forward to, but it’s like that with every job. As long as I’m still helping people that’s what matters to me. I just want to make a difference in people’s lives.” It sounded too honest, raw almost, being thrown out there like that. 

“Is that why you became an SVU detective?” Barba was still staring at him and it was making it hard for Sonny to concentrate on the conversation. 

“Kind of. I mean, look at my family. I’ve got all sisters. When I see female victims they always remind me of my sisters, or my mom. They are someones’ sister or mom too. I would want someone to look after my family if something horrible happened to them, so I try my best to look after other people’s families when they walk through the doors of the precinct you know?”

Sonny was well aware that he was rambling, but Barba still nodded like his response had made perfect sense. Sonny chewed on his bottom lip waiting for the other man to speak, but after a few minutes of total silence it became clear that if the conversation was going to continue Sonny was going to have to be the one to keep it going. 

“Can I ask you a personal question counselor? I mean, fair is fair.” 

Barba rolled his eyes but leaned back in his chair all the same. “That was a weak argument, but I’m in a generous mood.” He laughed a little at his own joke. “In keeping with the spirit of fairness I guess you should call me Rafael. I’ll feel weird if I’m calling you by your first name and you keep calling me counselor.” 

Sonny nodded dumbly, too surprised to answer verbally. There were a few ways this afternoon had played out in his mind as he had driven over earlier, but sitting on Bar— no Rafael’s couch asking him personal questions had not been one of them. He was half tempted to get up and feel the other man’s face, just to make sure he wasn't running a fever, something that would explain his sudden willingness to talk to Sonny. Unwilling to loose the opportunity Sonny pressed on. 

“Before Calhoun left earlier she said that you don't want a repeat of the Dubanouski trail. What happened?” 

Rafael’s eyes hardened and Sonny immediately regretted asking. 

“It’s ok if you don't want to talk about it. I mean, it’s none of my business anyway. You guys didn’t even know I was in the room.” 

Sonny had began examining his cuticles as he backpedaled, but looked up and glanced over at Rafael when an extended silence followed the retraction of his question. Rafael was staring at him again, and this time when their eyes met it was obvious that the older man was searching Sonny’s face for something. Whatever he was looking for he must have found because he reached under his desk and pulled out a half empty bottle of expensive looking scotch and motioned for Sonny to lean forward as he grabbed 2 glasses from the ledge behind him. 

“This is a story for alcohol.” He muttered so quietly Sonny thought he might have misheard him. Then he continued, louder this time. “I don't know why I’m about to tell you this. It’s embarrassing enough as it is.” He frowned “Honestly I’m surprised you don't know already. It was quite the office gossip when I was still working over in the Brooklyn DA’s office.” 

He paused to pour them each a glass then, when Sonny didn’t say anything, continued. 

“Tommy Dubanouski was a 26 year old assistant swim team coach accused of raping one of the young boys on the team. Apparently this had gone on for some time before any of the kids decided to come forward so by the time I was given the case to try the statute of limitations had just about run out for the kid’s case. The detectives handling the case suspected that he was currently raping boys on the team but they couldn't get any of them to talk. I had a one week window to prepare for the case and then try it before the statute ran out. 

“Rita was the defense attorney on the case, the guy came from old family money and his parents were determined to get the best lawyer money could buy. I had a strong case, but time was not on my side. Knowing this, Rita made it her life's mission to burry me in paperwork. A desperate attempt at keeping the case from going to trial before the statute ran out I guess.” He shook his head in disgust, as if Rita’s underhandedness was somehow surprising. “It almost worked too. That entire week I pretty much lived in my office. I ate takeout for every meal, when I remember to eat at all, and slept at my desk or on the couch in my office for a few hours at a time before getting back to work.” He took a long sip of his drink and Sonny was momentarily distracted by the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed.

“By the time the case went to trial I was beyond burnt out. I woke up the morning of the trial with the worst migraine I had ever had in my life, which is really saying something because I get them all the time. Usually I take a prescription medication for them but I hadn't been home for a week at that point and I wasn't about to leave the office just to take a few pills and then turn around and come back. I figured I would be fine just taking an over the counter medication, it should have carried me through the day at the very lest. 

“I was wrong. By the time I walked into the courtroom my head hurt so bad I could hardly keep my eyes open. I don't know if you've ever had a migraine Sonny, but sometimes they get to the point that even breathing hurts, well, mine do anyway. I just kept telling myself that I had to suck it up and do my job, I could go home and sleep later. Rita started off by calling a character witness, and the whole time the pain kept getting worse and worse. Then when I stood up to question the witness myself I felt this stabbing pain in the base of my neck.” Rafael began fidgeting with the glass in his hands. He looked so unsure and uncomfortable, not at all the person Sonny was used to seeing behind the councilors desk, that Sonny contemplated saying ‘never mind’ and letting him off the hook. Rafael however, continued before Sonny had a chance to say anything. “I knew that if I didn't get out of there immediately I was going to throw up on the floor of the courtroom, so I just turned and ran out.” 

Rafael stopped talking, his face a deep red of embarrassment.

“What happened?” Sonny asked, already dreading the answer. If the other man had made it to the bathroom before throwing up there would be no need to be so embarrassed. 

“I made it out of the courtroom, but not much further than that. There was a trashcan next to one of the benches out in the hallway… the Judge and Rita both followed me out and got to the hallway just in time to watch me throw up, multiple times I might add, in the middle of a busy Brooklyn courthouse. It was mortifying. People started gathering around too, asking if I was ok, if I needed someone to call for an ambulance. Some asshole even recorded it, I'm sure it’s still on youtube somewhere. Now in the meantime I’m in agony, every time I heave to throw up it made my head hurt worse which made me more nauseous. It was horrible. Someone did finally call for an ambulance and when the paramedics got there they took me to the hospital, gave me IV fluids, pain meds, and anti nausea meds. 

“Needless to say I was out for a few days after that. The case got given to one of the other ADA’s in the building and she was able to put the guy in jail. So at least there’s that.” 

Rafael shrugged, like he wasn't convinced if the whole ordeal had been worth it. Sonny wasn't sure either. Normally he was all for putting the criminal away no matter what, but thinking of Rafael sick and in pain surrounded by strangers pulled at his heart in a way that surprised even him. 

“Do you get that sick from migraines often?” They question came spilling out before Sonny’s brain had time to catch on. 

Rafael didn't look upset though, he just shook his head. “No. Only if I don't take my medication in time. I keep a bottle of it at work now, as well as at home and in my briefcase, just in case.” 

The room grew silent again, Rafael swirled the last mouthful of amber liquid around in his glass and Sonny watched, like he was the most interesting man on the face of the planet. 

“Rafael, could you do me a favor?” Sonny asked finally, smiling gently at the older man as he looked up. Rafael raised his eyebrows, clearly asking for Sonny to elaborate. “If I’m not being too forward, next time you get a migraine like that, call or text me, if you feel up to it that is. My oldest sister used to get migraines so I remember a lot of the little things my mom used to do to help her feel better. I could help out, or at the very least, drive you to the hospital.” The last part was said as a joke but Sonny really meant it. If Rafael needed a ride to the hospital Sonny would drop everything and take him.  
“Why?” Rafael looked confused, as if he couldn’t figure out why Sonny would want anything to do with him. 

“Because I don't like the idea of any of the people I care about suffering, especially trying to cope with it alone.” He shrugged, trying to ignore the intense green eyes boring into his own blue ones. “Im a cop, remember? Helping people is part of the job.”

Rafael mulled this over for a moment before nodding. “Maybe I will call you next time Sonny. No guarantees though, don't be offended if I don’t. 

Sonny shook his head, maybe a bit too vigorously. “Of course not! I just want you to know that the offer stands.” He turned back to his scotch, which tasted just as expensive as he originally thought the bottle had looked. There were a million more questions he wanted to ask Rafael, but he held back. The ADA was finally beginning to trust him as a friend, and despite his reputation for being an over eager suck up Sonny knew when not to push the issue. This was enough for now. 

“You know that I won’t tell this story to anyone right?” he asked quietly, reaching out to touch Rafael's hand gently when the other man didn't respond. 

Rafael gave a small smile “Thanks Sonny. For that and for all the help you gave me this afternoon. I would have been here all night if you hadn't come by.” 

Sonny grinned in return “It was no problem. Call me whenever you need an extra pair of eyes or something.” 

The ‘or something’ hung in the air between them for a moment, heavy with possible innuendo. Then, as quickly as it had grown awkward, the feeling faded away. Sonny leaned back in his chair and kicked his feet up on the corner of Rafael’s desk, delighted to see the briefest flash of amusement cross the ADA’s face before he was good-naturedly ribbing Sonny about manners and asking if he had been raised in a barn. 

Sonny didn’t think that Rafael would ever take him up on his offer of migraine and or work related help, but just being able to offer gave Sonny a feeling of peace. Maybe, just maybe, Rafael would start to want Sonny around as much as Sonny did.


End file.
